Last Sunday I travelled about four hours from Manila to Cabanatuan City in the Philippines. Monday would be my first day meeting with families that have used small loans.

I made several mistakes before walking out the door on Monday morning, the most notable of which was forgetting to put on insect repellent. There’s a typhoon here at the moment, which means that the rain is pretty consistent. I also forgot an umbrella and a pen.

These mistakes plagued me quite a bit on the journey to the first village outside of Cabanatuan. Macoy, who was driving, put on one of his mixtapes featuring Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus (both live and studio recorded songs). This didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.

When we arrived a large group of women were sitting in an undercover area in the centre of the village, taking part in the weekly meeting where loan repayments are made. I was nervous.

Sure – I’ve had some pretty awkward experiences trying to talk to (groups of) women before, but this was much more serious. It quickly dawned on me that I had not thought of how to start conversations at all.

I sat in the car for a little longer than I’m accustomed to and then it happened. I stepped out.

Hello.

It’s a trusty word that has served me pretty well in the past. I’d love to say the nerves disappeared straight away but they didn’t. We talked for longer and everyone began to laugh and joke – most of which I couldn’t understand but in a way this made it better.

By the end of the day I’d spoken with most of the women and at length with three mothers who all had both heartbreaking and heartwarming stories. They took me into their homes and their businesses, introduced me to their loved ones and even offered me meals.

But in the car on the way back home I still felt nervous. In fact right now as I write this I’m still nervous. I’m nervous that I won’t tell the stories of these families right. I’m nervous that I won’t do the families or the struggles and changes that are taking place justice.

I guess where I’ve landed is that these aren’t just first day jitters. These are nerves that won’t go away – nerves that won’t go away because this is all very, very real.

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